"Not in Straight"
Theoretical
Constructs of Space-Time Warping in Line-Outs
Dr.
P. Tripi, Professor of Astral-Rugby-Physics
For years now, we in the astral rugby physics community
have pondered the enigma surrounding the inability of the Hooker to
follow-through a perfectly-straight line-out throw. Some skeptics will hurriedly assume that a drunken referee, which
I refer to as the "Heineken Uncertainty Principle", disturbs the equation. This
will be discussed later in detail.
To understand the physics behind the line-out
throw, we must examine the sequence on a more cosmic scale. In the absence of mass, the geometry of
space time is flat. We understand space
time to exist as a flat two-dimensional continuum, upon which it, mass and
energy can interact. When there is mass
present, the space time curves in reaction to the higher density of the massive
object, except that the curved "surface'' is in four dimensions (three
space dimensions and one time) rather than two.
Massive,
dense objects cause curvatures in space time.
Because the presence of mass
curves space time, “straight lines” are no longer straight in the way we think
of them in flat space time.
In fact, a path which seems to
curve near a massive object is simply following a straight path along the
altered space time. The more xtreme the
mass affecting space time, the more radical the visual affect of the path.
Massively-xtreme
objects cause space time curvature, in turn affecting the ‘appearance’ of a
‘straight’ path.
We now begin to understand the affect that massive
and dense objects can have on the perceived notion of continual paths. This is drastically different from what we learned
in Euclidean geometry, where parallel lines never meet and a straight line
extends out in two directions infinitely. Whereas in curved space they turn
around and meet. Similarly in curved space time "straight lines"
behave strangely.
The presence of a gravitational field (say on
Earth or around the Sun); at each point it is possible over a small volume to
define an observer for whom the laws of astral-rugby-physics are identical to
that of an unaccelerated observer (i.e., an observer who has no forces acting
on him/her).
As we can now postulate, the
force of several massive and dense objects curving space time, will most
certainly cause objects passing through on a straight path to appear to curve,
sometimes dramatically.
The
curvature of space time will be greatly affected by several massive and
extremely dense objects in close relation.
To conclude, it
is most hasty to concede "unexplainable" warping of straight flight
paths as the direct result of the Heineken Uncertainty Principle. While drunken Referee theory has its place
in science, we have been too quick to assume lone guilt for poor throw-ins. Indeed, we can foresee a time in which we
have the ability to re-curve, or correct for the mass densities, and
equilibrium to line-outs, thus resulting in cessation of un-straight line-out
throws.
Excerpts from Dr. P. Tripi’s dissertation on
Warping of Space Time in Line Outs and the analysis of the Heineken Uncertainty
Principle, presented November 12th, 2001, to the Academy of
Rugby-Physics, Rugby, England.
Dr.
P. Tripi, Professor of Astral-Rugby-Physics,
“Oooooooh-Yeah! Time to learn some xtreme
astral-rugby-physics, punk!”